Parenting is what is.

There are many things I love about nursing my little one to sleep. I love the quiet that settles in when he crosses the threshold from barely awake to newly asleep. I love the way his hand curls around the material of my shirt and I have to gently release it when I get ready to leave. I love the little noises he makes. I love the way his feet inevitably end up curled on my bottom leg and I have to slide out from under them. And I love how, sometimes, when I'm not looking for it, bursts of knowledge and inspiration suddenly surface from a place of wisdom deep inside of me and break into conscious thought.

As anyone who knows me or reads my Facebook page will attest, I worry a lot about how I "should" be parenting. I worry that I'm not present enough, or that I'm too present, or that I'm too lax, or that I'm too volatile, or that I'm too inconsistent...you get the idea. My parenting experience is constantly overshadowed by "shoulds" and by the idea of silent observers. Playgroups are my undoing because I constantly fear that Little Bear will "misbehave" and that I will be judged because I don't know how to "control his behaviour." And, it seems, it doesn't matter how many amazing books I read or inspiring newsletters I get, I still worry myself into a frenzy.

So, given all of that, you can imagine the great wave of relief, the deafening shout of "YES" that my soul gave when I suddenly thought: "Parenting is not what should be. Parenting is what is."

YES!!!

(her soul shouted)

Maybe that doesn't sound very profound to you. Maybe that's as obvious as saying "a house is a house." But to the constant worrier-mama the idea that her child's experience is all that matters...is all that really truly exists (in terms of parenting) is huge...amazing...transformative. To me, telling myself "Parenting is what IS" is a reminder to be present, to not be afraid to think outside the box, and to enjoy the magic that comes up. So, for example, instead of worrying about what people will think about the fact that I nurse my almost-17-month old to sleep and that we cosleep, I choose to revel in the moments when my active little toddler morphs back into a baby, and when I can snuggle him happily as close as I want. Parenting is what is, and this year -and for the rest of my life- I choose to celebrate the magic that we create as a family instead of spoiling it with worry. I choose to shed the baggage of the Worrier-Mama and step out boldly in the skin of the Warrior-Mama. Let's see what happens!