Dreams Come True...

Creative Adventure Sundays Round 2: Make a list of dreams that have ALREADY come true.

I love love LOVE this idea! It's so easy to forget about all of our accomplishments -all of the challenges we've faced, the miracles we've experienced. Once the initial "YAY!" wears off, we forget to look back and think about the wonderfulness of our lives so far. I challenged myself to write down 100 dreams come true...goals achieved, miracles experienced. I thought it would be hard...it really really wasn't. :-)

Here they are, in the order they came out of my brain:

1. Met my true love
2. Got proposed to (not by my true love, as it happened, because I met Papa Bear through my ex...hehe)
3. Had the courage to realize that my ex and I weren't right together and broke things off with him (this was a miserable experience, but I maintain that it counts because it was Step One to a whole new life)
4. Felt myself actually Fall in love.
5. Was the Girl Someone Had a Long Term Crush On Just Like In the Movies
6. Felt more Myself with a guy (as opposed to less myself)
7. Did the proposing myself (I LOVE that I got to have it both ways!)
8. Planned a totally amazing and unique wedding that people still talk about
9. Graduated from university with honours
10. Wrote a 28-page essay in French (and got an A)
11. Won the University Medal in French (a total and complete surprise)
12. Presented a paper at a university conference
13. Toured the UK and Southern Ireland (with Contiki tours...an amazing experience and an excellent post-break-up transition)
14. Went to an arts high school as a dance major
15. Attended a summer course in NYC with the Limon Dance Company (a dream come true)
16. Performed my own choreography for an audience (several times)
17. Danced my choreography on the same stage as Evelyn Hart and Rex Harrington (I mean we were in the same show, not that they were in my pieces...but they did watch from the wings)
18. Got a compliment from each of them
19. Graduated from university with a GPA over 4.0 (because at my school they gave 4.3 for an A+)
20. Tried a flamenco class
21. Went to university in New York City (and left when I realized it was NOT for me)
22. Dance en pointe
23. Found a dance style I took to naturally (modern dance)
24. Choreographed dances that were honest emotional portrayals (and, in some cases, therapy)
25. Taught modern dance MY way (and helped myself heal old wounds)
26. Took a train across Canada on my own
27. Awakened to energy work
28. Became a Reiki master
29. Sang in front of an audience
30. Got regular shout-outs from one of my favourite bands when I went to their shows
31. Hosted a campus radio show (well, two, actually: "Moose on the Highway" at Skidmore and "Border Crossing" at Dalhousie)
32. Got a job based on my own merits as opposed to family connections (and thus avoided all of the baggage that can come with working for people who knew me as a kid)
33. KICKED ASS at said job(s) (I am a PHENOMENAL administrative assistant)
34. "Broke up with" all of my toxic mother-figures from my childhood (I had a collection)
35. Moved into a house by a lake
36. Had the courage to realize that buying wasn't right for us right now (and thus opened the way for the perfect rental)
37. Got pregnant when it felt natural and right
38. Had a healthy pregnancy
39. Gave birth to a healthy baby
40. Survived what I think was mild post partum depression
41. Successfully nursed my baby (and still do)
42. Parented against the mainstream mostly-confidently
43. Started a blog
44. Interviewed a band
45. Wrote newspaper articles for a university paper
46. Wrote 150 pages of my first novel
47. Wrote a children's story
48. Won a writing prize for a story I co-wrote with my mom
49. Discovered the link between dance, energy and healing
50. Attended a Reiki Healing Dance workshop with deeply healing and transformative results
51. Discovered Kripalu DansKinetics and attended a teacher training workshop without having ever taken a KDK class (a gamble that totally paid off)
52. Did extremely well on the final test-class of the workshop
53. Rented out space, advertised, and ran 2 terms of classes in the Halifax area
54. Was featured in a local newspaper
55. Met with a studio head to pitch the idea of DansKinetics to her (and happily released that idea when I saw that we were not compatible)
56. Happily released the business when the right time came
57. Journalled during my major epiphanies and life changes
58. Loved with my whole heart, even when I got hurt
59. Learned to knit and made a sweater
60. Re-learned to knit eight years later and made a teddy bear for my son
61. Almost got my driver's license (passed the Young Drivers of Canada course but never took the road test for the actual license)
62. Found a family doctor that I ADORE
63. Found a dentist I really like
64. Embraced shopping at the plus-sized stores, and thus have clothes I LOVE
65. Presented my dance classes at a school and a community centre
66. Did one successful Reiki Healing Dance treatment
67. Conquered crippling shyness
68. Learned more about who I am and how to be *more* myself and not hide
69. Stuck successfully to a 3-week detox
70. Lost weight by LOVING my body (twice)
71. Helped a lot of people open up and shine through dance
72. Made a website
73. Made new friends and developed older friendships
74. Bought a Mac (her name is Cynthia)
75. Bought an iPod (how did I ever live without it?!)
76. Sewed my first sock monkey
77. Sewed my first totally unique doll
78. Learned to crochet
79. Got into Harvard
80. Turned Harvard down when I realized it was not a good fit for me
81. Let Little Bear spend time without me when I realized how much I needed alone time (it amazes me how much I ADORE him when he comes back from an outing with Papa Bear :-P)
82. Took Little Bear outside most days this fall (and let him get as dirty as he wanted)
83. Began to let go of perfectionism in dance and other creative endeavours
84. Worked with a personal trainer
85. Began to get a sense of what I value and how I want to live
86. Took steps to develop that vision
87. Stayed completely away from parenting magazines
88. Only read parenting books that support my vision
89. Hung some of my own artwork in our home
90. Married someone who appreciates my dance
91. Married someone who loves and supports my "self-helpy" streak
92. Bought the wedding dress of my dreams...twice!
93. Learned to keep an eye open for teachers and mentors that the universe throws across my path
94. Surprised my parents with baby news on Christmas Day 2007 (kept it a secret for over a month)
95. Made my dad cry by putting all of his old photos into an album
96. Began to FINALLY hear some of my dad's stories (he has had an AMAZING life!)
97. Wrote down my ideas and inspiration so I can revisit it whenever I'm called to
98. Made someone so happy it hurts
99. Met a wedding/portrait photographer we ADORE (both in terms of her work and her personality)
100. Adopted two adorable kitties from a shelter and gave them a good home with lots of cuddles
101. COMPLETED A LIST OF ONE HUNDRED DREAMS COME TRUE!!

I highly recommend this exercise :-)

Parenting is what is.

There are many things I love about nursing my little one to sleep. I love the quiet that settles in when he crosses the threshold from barely awake to newly asleep. I love the way his hand curls around the material of my shirt and I have to gently release it when I get ready to leave. I love the little noises he makes. I love the way his feet inevitably end up curled on my bottom leg and I have to slide out from under them. And I love how, sometimes, when I'm not looking for it, bursts of knowledge and inspiration suddenly surface from a place of wisdom deep inside of me and break into conscious thought.

As anyone who knows me or reads my Facebook page will attest, I worry a lot about how I "should" be parenting. I worry that I'm not present enough, or that I'm too present, or that I'm too lax, or that I'm too volatile, or that I'm too inconsistent...you get the idea. My parenting experience is constantly overshadowed by "shoulds" and by the idea of silent observers. Playgroups are my undoing because I constantly fear that Little Bear will "misbehave" and that I will be judged because I don't know how to "control his behaviour." And, it seems, it doesn't matter how many amazing books I read or inspiring newsletters I get, I still worry myself into a frenzy.

So, given all of that, you can imagine the great wave of relief, the deafening shout of "YES" that my soul gave when I suddenly thought: "Parenting is not what should be. Parenting is what is."

YES!!!

(her soul shouted)

Maybe that doesn't sound very profound to you. Maybe that's as obvious as saying "a house is a house." But to the constant worrier-mama the idea that her child's experience is all that matters...is all that really truly exists (in terms of parenting) is huge...amazing...transformative. To me, telling myself "Parenting is what IS" is a reminder to be present, to not be afraid to think outside the box, and to enjoy the magic that comes up. So, for example, instead of worrying about what people will think about the fact that I nurse my almost-17-month old to sleep and that we cosleep, I choose to revel in the moments when my active little toddler morphs back into a baby, and when I can snuggle him happily as close as I want. Parenting is what is, and this year -and for the rest of my life- I choose to celebrate the magic that we create as a family instead of spoiling it with worry. I choose to shed the baggage of the Worrier-Mama and step out boldly in the skin of the Warrior-Mama. Let's see what happens!

Creating my Goddess Year...

Before the New Year I downloaded Goddess Leonie's GORGEOUS and LOVELY Creating My Goddess Year Workbook & Planner. I didn't get to print it off until yesterday, so apart from some notes that I took in a spiral-bound notebook on New Years Eve I didn't have anything to show until today.



Working on the planner has been interesting. The year in review activities made me realize just how much I had to be thankful for this year:


The "100 things to do" list that I posted on the 3rd made me realize what themes were really important to me for the year. But what they all seem to boil down to is my one word for the year:
MINDFULNESS
In the most Buddhist sense of the word...cultivating presence and awareness in my day-to-day life.
In the Christian(ish) sense: being mindful of the needs of others and helping when I can.
And in the environmental sense, being aware of my impact on the earth.
Finding this word has made me very happy.

I loved creating my Goddess Habits. I'm going to copy this poster and put it up on the fridge so I can see it every day.


Mapping my body as I feel now brought up a lot of negativity because I don't feel particularly good right now. I haven't been able to dance since before I had Little Bear (I don't mean I haven't been physically able to, I mean that I can't seem to do it...I'm self-conscious about it, and that is SO not me. It freaks me out because I can't remember the last time I wasn't able to dance). Anyway...there was a lot of brown and red and stuckness and closed-off-ness and I don't feel like showing it. But I will show you my vision for this year:

I think it says a whole heap about how much my body is calling out for Reiki. Reiki and Yoga. And hopefully dance. Please, please let me dance.

This evening I got a precious hour of baby-free time from Papa Bear and I put it to good use by writing out my Goddess Goals and starting my To-Do List Book. The Goddess Goals were VERY hard for me...I wrote a bunch of stuff down and then realized that what I'd put was more of a stressful to-do list and less of a dream/intention list...and it was stressing me out instead of inspiring me. So I went back, looked at what I'd written and rephrased some things. In some cases I took several "goals" and condensed them into a larger dream. Then, once I was happy, I started my book:

Ah, bubble letters! My favourite thing in the world is to write in bubble letters and to colour in rainbow colours. Papa Bear thinks it's adorable and funny, but I can't help it. I went with what made me happy. I got all the headings written and the cover page coloured, and then Little Bear wanted me to hang out with him. And after a failed attempt to put him to bed I went with my gut. My gut had noticed the wistful way he had reached for my art supplies when he came to see me, so Little Bear and I sat down together with soft "Chakra 6" music playing and we drew and coloured. I'll show you mine first.

Here's a Big Dream:

(Yes, I know the pages are blank...I haven't done the list-making yet. Maybe I'll share again once I'm done that part)

Here's a smaller dream:

(It means that I want to have 50 creations, either knitted, crocheted, or sewed posted to my Facebook album by the end of the year)

Here's a big and beautiful and Vitally Important one:

(I thought this was especially appropriate as Little Bear and I sat side by side and coloured peacefully...and he didn't throw a single coloured pencil for ages)

And here is what my little man drew:

The circles are a relatively recent development. Up until this week it was all zigzags.

Look at all the tiny circles! The colours are by me -I did them whenever he handed me a coloured pencil. Also, obviously, the "Blue" and the square are by me. But all those teensy tiny circles? Those were done by an under-17-month-old. Papa Bear and I are SO proud :-)

So, that's the progress I've made so far. It's been an oddly quiet journey for me, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it. But then my Little Bear showed me such magic that I knew it cried out to be shared. I can't wait to "work" on it some more tomorrow. <3 <3 <3

Down a different path...

As you may remember...from 2 days ago...one of my dreams this year is to do Joy Rebel Mission Mondays regularly. Yesterday's Mission was to go down a different path...to work, to school, to the laundromat, wherever. Hmmm.

Here's the deal. I'm a stay at home mom and I live in the country(ish) and it's COLD outside and I have no car. The farthest I go on any given weekday is into the yard so Little Bear can play. *whinge* Well, as you can tell, I whined about this (in my head) for a minute or two...or fifteen. And then I thought "Hey now, Mama Bear, the whole point of being a Joy Rebel is finding and celebrating the joy in things As They Are, and not so much whining about how you wish things were!" So, as it was time to take the little one outside in any case, I said, "Little Bear, today instead of going out the front door and down the front steps we will leave the house....by the GARAGE!" So we did. We got our outdoor things on (incidentally, Little Bear has the cutest little bear boots), and I picked him up and carried him down the stairs, out the storage room door, through the storage room, and into the garage. I pressed the garage door button, realized that I'd pressed the wrong one when the door in front of the garbage cans opened, and then pressed the other one. There we stood, in the gloomy, chilly garage, and we watched as the giant doors rolled up revealing the bright, white outdoors. It was beautiful. And then we went out to play. And it did feel different. And we did do different things. And I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't get impatient to go back in -because I did- and in hindsight taking him up by the (VERY NON BUSY I AM NOT A BAD PARENT I SWEAR) road may not have been the wisest precedent to set, but it was a change...and Lord knows a change can be good.

So there...I took a different path to the best of my ability, and even such a tiny thing as exiting by a different door made the day feel special. I should keep that in mind...maybe tomorrow I'll leave by the back steps... :-)

100 things...

It's a New Year. A year of endless possibilities. A magical, unknown land stretching before us...for 362 more days. So, in the spirit of possibility and magic and thinking big, here (inspired by Andrea at ABCcreativity.com and Goddess Leonie's "2010: Creating My Goddess Year Workbook & Planner"), are 100 dreams for 2010. Call it my to-do list if you will:

1. Meditate every day. Even if only for 30 seconds before bed. Maybe listen to a meditation track *while* falling asleep.
2. Complete the tutorials in the Sew Everything Workshop book (and learn to sew for real)
3. Eat more ethically: choose local, organic options and be aware of where things come from and how they are made.
4. Create new monsters (I got about 6 different plushie books for Christmas...I'll start there)
5. Handmake 90% of all gifts this year.
6. Make a financial contribution to at least one charity.
7. Try craftivism (I LOVE the Mother Bear Project)
8. Do Donna Eden's energy balancing routine daily (for at least 3 weeks...and see how I feel)
9. Finish the first draft of my novel
10. Make the first revision of my novel
11. Write more letters
12. Send more packages
13. Leave the province (temporarily)
14. Renew my passport
15. Learn to drive
16. Join a regular playgroup and/or make weekly playdates for Little Bear
17. Take more baths
18. Grow my hair long
19. Do a Nerdfighter secret project
20. Post more Facebook videos
21. Make my own cleaning products
22. Wean off paper towels
23. Make women's cloth (reusable fabric menstrual pads)
24. Reduce my plastic bag use...by remembering the cloth ones
25. (To help with this) Make my OWN cloth bags (prettier)
26. Enter the Writers' Federation of Nova Scotia Unpublished Manuscript contest again
27. Finish my Isadora Duncan poetry collection
28. Write a children's story
29. Send Christmas cards
30. Visit the Clay Cafe
31. Find a natural deodorant (that doesn't burn my pits)
32. Shop at a locally owned yarn store
33. Be more energy-conscious (consistently turn the heat down at night, shrink-wrap the windows etc)
34. Make a baby clothes quilt (even just a practice one)
35. Pay off credit cards (and KEEP them paid off)
36. Learn to crochet
37. Spend time outside every day it's over -10 degrees (Celsius)
38. Read 6 fiction books
39. Listen to music daily
40. Dance again. And again. And again.
41. Practice gratitude daily.
42. Parent with awareness and joy.
43. Copy old LJ entries to my computer for safekeeping
44. (in the same spirit of archiving my past) Do the same for old FB statuses, if possible
45. Be a Mothering Messageboard Holiday Helper
46. Donate to the Food Bank
47. Donate to a toy drive
48. Go through the boxes of my old stuff at my parents' house (FINALLY)
49. Stretch.
50. Eat all-vegetarian 3 days a week
51. Introduce Little Bear to new creative play: finger paints and playdough and fabric, oh my!
52. Take a moment to connect with Papa Bear daily
53. Breathe with awareness
54. (this one's silly) Watch all of the David Tennant Dr Who episodes (and then buy Chameleon Circuit's album)
55. Obtain and use a bicycle (and get something for Little Bear to ride in)
56. Make cloth produce bags (for a plastic-free grocery shop!)
57. Grow a fabric/yarn stash using repurposed and eco-friendly materials
58. Increase my Facebook "creations" album to 50 by 2011
59. Send my work to a publisher
60. Switch to organic shampoo, soap, and cosmetics (gradually as things get used up)
61. Make some crunchy mama friends who actually live in this province (preferably in this city!)
62. Make a family advent calendar
63. Do Mission Monday each week
64. Do Creative Adventure Sundays
65. Write blog posts about said missions/adventures
66. Learn to make healthy, whole grain breads
67. Make a Healing Basket (eye pillow, relaxing mist, Rescue remedy, Neti pot, etc)
68. Cleanse the house's energy completely (the last people to live here were very sad and worried, and you can FEEL it)
69. Treasure Map again this year (during Aries New Moon)
70. Moisturize every day (and enjoy healthy, nourished skin!)
71. Research and try Original Play
72. Make a crystal grid around the house
73. Join (or create) a knitting/sewing/crafting circle
74. Allow Matthew to parent solo more often (and take a freakin' break!)
75. Try new herbal teas
76. Collect my dad's stories (via digital recorder)
77. Make my own PJ pants
78. Be aware of how my own mental state affects my outlook and work on that *first* when I'm cranky (next try cleaning)
79. Earn money from home doing something I love
80. Do a candida cleanse
81. See a naturopath/nutritionist
82. Have a "spa day"
83. Have a sleepover
84. Eat treats joyfully and mindfully (or not at all)
85. Play a real game of Dungeons and Dragons
86. Go apple picking
87. Take Vitamin D daily (and give it to Little Bear)
88. Create an altar/healing place
89. Be healthier than I was in 2009
90. Try Switch Off Sundays (not on Sundays)
91. Pet the kitties more.
92. Multitask less (she says as she breastfeeds while typing :-P)
93. Find cute, comfy shoes for each season
94. Build at least one fort
95. Buy puddle-jumping boots and jump in some puddles with my Little Bear
96. Get a family portrait taken
97. Nurture friendships
98. Find healthy outlets for anger and frustration
99. Go on a family trip to meet Papa Bear's biological families and my cousin's children
100. Have more sex ("AMEN!" says Papa Bear :-P)

Happy 2010!

Happy New Year!
I am welcoming the New Year with friends, bacon, and homemade cinnamon rolls...because that's how I roll these days. YUM!

I just wanted to post a little post with some New Years...resolutions is the wrong word...I'm looking for a word that's more gentle and inspiring. Affirmations? Not sure. Anyway...right...

#1: I stole this from Scott Noelle's Attraction Parenting Website
If you make only one resolution this New Year,
let it be simply to LIVE LIFE MORE FULLY.

Decide that you'll let yourself...

* see more beauty
* hear more truth
* smell more roses
* taste more spice
* and FEEL more deeply

In other words, LET LIFE IN and embrace every
new experience.

#2: Projects and Missions
My weekly-installment novel-writing club is still ongoing, although our progress has been slow over the holidays. In addition to keeping on with my first-ever novel I am committing to the following:
Creating Dreams Come True: Creative Adventure
Joy Rebel Mission Mondays
Radiant Goddess e-course

And if all that plus a crazy-busy, nap-dropping toddler doesn't keep me busy NOTHING will!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2010 bring you joy, growth, and prosperity.

Merry Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas here in our beautiful home. My parents came to stay with us, and my brother was with us for the first time in years. We got the most amazing gifts -a learning tower for Little Bear, and a ton of craft books for me (I'm very into knitting and sewing toys right now, and I was just dying to have my own collection of the best I'd borrowed from the library)...but the best gifts of all were homemade: my dad made Little Bear a rocking horse and a train set (all pine with natural, non-toxic finishes), and my mom made him a string of knitted cotton ducks on wheels.

This is a big deal for my family. We've always been creative, but this is the first year I can think of where we've gone so far to make things for each other. Creativity was definitely a theme even for non-homemade gifts...my brother got Little Bear a whole selection of toddler-friendly art supplies!

Something about today has got me thinking about the New Year. I can already feel the energies shifting...that subtle "next year I want to do X, Y, and Z" feeling. For me, these energies are threefold: I want to be more Present -especially with my little one, I want to create things that make people smile, and I want to Be the Change. I'm not sure what I want to do...maybe knitting for a charity or becoming a Unicef parent, I don't know, but I feel very connected to everyone right now. Yesterday as we were driving to the in-laws for Christmas Eve celebrations I had this sudden, overwhelming sense of the universal happiness and anticipation that was swirling around in the world's energy field. The collective experience of Christmas has never struck me before, but it did yesterday. It was amazing...and it made me truly understand the meaning of "Keeping Christmas through the year."

I hope you and yours had a very merry one. Even if you don't "do" Christmas, I hope you had a wonderful day.