Creating my Goddess Year...

Before the New Year I downloaded Goddess Leonie's GORGEOUS and LOVELY Creating My Goddess Year Workbook & Planner. I didn't get to print it off until yesterday, so apart from some notes that I took in a spiral-bound notebook on New Years Eve I didn't have anything to show until today.



Working on the planner has been interesting. The year in review activities made me realize just how much I had to be thankful for this year:


The "100 things to do" list that I posted on the 3rd made me realize what themes were really important to me for the year. But what they all seem to boil down to is my one word for the year:
MINDFULNESS
In the most Buddhist sense of the word...cultivating presence and awareness in my day-to-day life.
In the Christian(ish) sense: being mindful of the needs of others and helping when I can.
And in the environmental sense, being aware of my impact on the earth.
Finding this word has made me very happy.

I loved creating my Goddess Habits. I'm going to copy this poster and put it up on the fridge so I can see it every day.


Mapping my body as I feel now brought up a lot of negativity because I don't feel particularly good right now. I haven't been able to dance since before I had Little Bear (I don't mean I haven't been physically able to, I mean that I can't seem to do it...I'm self-conscious about it, and that is SO not me. It freaks me out because I can't remember the last time I wasn't able to dance). Anyway...there was a lot of brown and red and stuckness and closed-off-ness and I don't feel like showing it. But I will show you my vision for this year:

I think it says a whole heap about how much my body is calling out for Reiki. Reiki and Yoga. And hopefully dance. Please, please let me dance.

This evening I got a precious hour of baby-free time from Papa Bear and I put it to good use by writing out my Goddess Goals and starting my To-Do List Book. The Goddess Goals were VERY hard for me...I wrote a bunch of stuff down and then realized that what I'd put was more of a stressful to-do list and less of a dream/intention list...and it was stressing me out instead of inspiring me. So I went back, looked at what I'd written and rephrased some things. In some cases I took several "goals" and condensed them into a larger dream. Then, once I was happy, I started my book:

Ah, bubble letters! My favourite thing in the world is to write in bubble letters and to colour in rainbow colours. Papa Bear thinks it's adorable and funny, but I can't help it. I went with what made me happy. I got all the headings written and the cover page coloured, and then Little Bear wanted me to hang out with him. And after a failed attempt to put him to bed I went with my gut. My gut had noticed the wistful way he had reached for my art supplies when he came to see me, so Little Bear and I sat down together with soft "Chakra 6" music playing and we drew and coloured. I'll show you mine first.

Here's a Big Dream:

(Yes, I know the pages are blank...I haven't done the list-making yet. Maybe I'll share again once I'm done that part)

Here's a smaller dream:

(It means that I want to have 50 creations, either knitted, crocheted, or sewed posted to my Facebook album by the end of the year)

Here's a big and beautiful and Vitally Important one:

(I thought this was especially appropriate as Little Bear and I sat side by side and coloured peacefully...and he didn't throw a single coloured pencil for ages)

And here is what my little man drew:

The circles are a relatively recent development. Up until this week it was all zigzags.

Look at all the tiny circles! The colours are by me -I did them whenever he handed me a coloured pencil. Also, obviously, the "Blue" and the square are by me. But all those teensy tiny circles? Those were done by an under-17-month-old. Papa Bear and I are SO proud :-)

So, that's the progress I've made so far. It's been an oddly quiet journey for me, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it. But then my Little Bear showed me such magic that I knew it cried out to be shared. I can't wait to "work" on it some more tomorrow. <3 <3 <3

Down a different path...

As you may remember...from 2 days ago...one of my dreams this year is to do Joy Rebel Mission Mondays regularly. Yesterday's Mission was to go down a different path...to work, to school, to the laundromat, wherever. Hmmm.

Here's the deal. I'm a stay at home mom and I live in the country(ish) and it's COLD outside and I have no car. The farthest I go on any given weekday is into the yard so Little Bear can play. *whinge* Well, as you can tell, I whined about this (in my head) for a minute or two...or fifteen. And then I thought "Hey now, Mama Bear, the whole point of being a Joy Rebel is finding and celebrating the joy in things As They Are, and not so much whining about how you wish things were!" So, as it was time to take the little one outside in any case, I said, "Little Bear, today instead of going out the front door and down the front steps we will leave the house....by the GARAGE!" So we did. We got our outdoor things on (incidentally, Little Bear has the cutest little bear boots), and I picked him up and carried him down the stairs, out the storage room door, through the storage room, and into the garage. I pressed the garage door button, realized that I'd pressed the wrong one when the door in front of the garbage cans opened, and then pressed the other one. There we stood, in the gloomy, chilly garage, and we watched as the giant doors rolled up revealing the bright, white outdoors. It was beautiful. And then we went out to play. And it did feel different. And we did do different things. And I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't get impatient to go back in -because I did- and in hindsight taking him up by the (VERY NON BUSY I AM NOT A BAD PARENT I SWEAR) road may not have been the wisest precedent to set, but it was a change...and Lord knows a change can be good.

So there...I took a different path to the best of my ability, and even such a tiny thing as exiting by a different door made the day feel special. I should keep that in mind...maybe tomorrow I'll leave by the back steps... :-)

100 things...

It's a New Year. A year of endless possibilities. A magical, unknown land stretching before us...for 362 more days. So, in the spirit of possibility and magic and thinking big, here (inspired by Andrea at ABCcreativity.com and Goddess Leonie's "2010: Creating My Goddess Year Workbook & Planner"), are 100 dreams for 2010. Call it my to-do list if you will:

1. Meditate every day. Even if only for 30 seconds before bed. Maybe listen to a meditation track *while* falling asleep.
2. Complete the tutorials in the Sew Everything Workshop book (and learn to sew for real)
3. Eat more ethically: choose local, organic options and be aware of where things come from and how they are made.
4. Create new monsters (I got about 6 different plushie books for Christmas...I'll start there)
5. Handmake 90% of all gifts this year.
6. Make a financial contribution to at least one charity.
7. Try craftivism (I LOVE the Mother Bear Project)
8. Do Donna Eden's energy balancing routine daily (for at least 3 weeks...and see how I feel)
9. Finish the first draft of my novel
10. Make the first revision of my novel
11. Write more letters
12. Send more packages
13. Leave the province (temporarily)
14. Renew my passport
15. Learn to drive
16. Join a regular playgroup and/or make weekly playdates for Little Bear
17. Take more baths
18. Grow my hair long
19. Do a Nerdfighter secret project
20. Post more Facebook videos
21. Make my own cleaning products
22. Wean off paper towels
23. Make women's cloth (reusable fabric menstrual pads)
24. Reduce my plastic bag use...by remembering the cloth ones
25. (To help with this) Make my OWN cloth bags (prettier)
26. Enter the Writers' Federation of Nova Scotia Unpublished Manuscript contest again
27. Finish my Isadora Duncan poetry collection
28. Write a children's story
29. Send Christmas cards
30. Visit the Clay Cafe
31. Find a natural deodorant (that doesn't burn my pits)
32. Shop at a locally owned yarn store
33. Be more energy-conscious (consistently turn the heat down at night, shrink-wrap the windows etc)
34. Make a baby clothes quilt (even just a practice one)
35. Pay off credit cards (and KEEP them paid off)
36. Learn to crochet
37. Spend time outside every day it's over -10 degrees (Celsius)
38. Read 6 fiction books
39. Listen to music daily
40. Dance again. And again. And again.
41. Practice gratitude daily.
42. Parent with awareness and joy.
43. Copy old LJ entries to my computer for safekeeping
44. (in the same spirit of archiving my past) Do the same for old FB statuses, if possible
45. Be a Mothering Messageboard Holiday Helper
46. Donate to the Food Bank
47. Donate to a toy drive
48. Go through the boxes of my old stuff at my parents' house (FINALLY)
49. Stretch.
50. Eat all-vegetarian 3 days a week
51. Introduce Little Bear to new creative play: finger paints and playdough and fabric, oh my!
52. Take a moment to connect with Papa Bear daily
53. Breathe with awareness
54. (this one's silly) Watch all of the David Tennant Dr Who episodes (and then buy Chameleon Circuit's album)
55. Obtain and use a bicycle (and get something for Little Bear to ride in)
56. Make cloth produce bags (for a plastic-free grocery shop!)
57. Grow a fabric/yarn stash using repurposed and eco-friendly materials
58. Increase my Facebook "creations" album to 50 by 2011
59. Send my work to a publisher
60. Switch to organic shampoo, soap, and cosmetics (gradually as things get used up)
61. Make some crunchy mama friends who actually live in this province (preferably in this city!)
62. Make a family advent calendar
63. Do Mission Monday each week
64. Do Creative Adventure Sundays
65. Write blog posts about said missions/adventures
66. Learn to make healthy, whole grain breads
67. Make a Healing Basket (eye pillow, relaxing mist, Rescue remedy, Neti pot, etc)
68. Cleanse the house's energy completely (the last people to live here were very sad and worried, and you can FEEL it)
69. Treasure Map again this year (during Aries New Moon)
70. Moisturize every day (and enjoy healthy, nourished skin!)
71. Research and try Original Play
72. Make a crystal grid around the house
73. Join (or create) a knitting/sewing/crafting circle
74. Allow Matthew to parent solo more often (and take a freakin' break!)
75. Try new herbal teas
76. Collect my dad's stories (via digital recorder)
77. Make my own PJ pants
78. Be aware of how my own mental state affects my outlook and work on that *first* when I'm cranky (next try cleaning)
79. Earn money from home doing something I love
80. Do a candida cleanse
81. See a naturopath/nutritionist
82. Have a "spa day"
83. Have a sleepover
84. Eat treats joyfully and mindfully (or not at all)
85. Play a real game of Dungeons and Dragons
86. Go apple picking
87. Take Vitamin D daily (and give it to Little Bear)
88. Create an altar/healing place
89. Be healthier than I was in 2009
90. Try Switch Off Sundays (not on Sundays)
91. Pet the kitties more.
92. Multitask less (she says as she breastfeeds while typing :-P)
93. Find cute, comfy shoes for each season
94. Build at least one fort
95. Buy puddle-jumping boots and jump in some puddles with my Little Bear
96. Get a family portrait taken
97. Nurture friendships
98. Find healthy outlets for anger and frustration
99. Go on a family trip to meet Papa Bear's biological families and my cousin's children
100. Have more sex ("AMEN!" says Papa Bear :-P)

Happy 2010!

Happy New Year!
I am welcoming the New Year with friends, bacon, and homemade cinnamon rolls...because that's how I roll these days. YUM!

I just wanted to post a little post with some New Years...resolutions is the wrong word...I'm looking for a word that's more gentle and inspiring. Affirmations? Not sure. Anyway...right...

#1: I stole this from Scott Noelle's Attraction Parenting Website
If you make only one resolution this New Year,
let it be simply to LIVE LIFE MORE FULLY.

Decide that you'll let yourself...

* see more beauty
* hear more truth
* smell more roses
* taste more spice
* and FEEL more deeply

In other words, LET LIFE IN and embrace every
new experience.

#2: Projects and Missions
My weekly-installment novel-writing club is still ongoing, although our progress has been slow over the holidays. In addition to keeping on with my first-ever novel I am committing to the following:
Creating Dreams Come True: Creative Adventure
Joy Rebel Mission Mondays
Radiant Goddess e-course

And if all that plus a crazy-busy, nap-dropping toddler doesn't keep me busy NOTHING will!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2010 bring you joy, growth, and prosperity.

Merry Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas here in our beautiful home. My parents came to stay with us, and my brother was with us for the first time in years. We got the most amazing gifts -a learning tower for Little Bear, and a ton of craft books for me (I'm very into knitting and sewing toys right now, and I was just dying to have my own collection of the best I'd borrowed from the library)...but the best gifts of all were homemade: my dad made Little Bear a rocking horse and a train set (all pine with natural, non-toxic finishes), and my mom made him a string of knitted cotton ducks on wheels.

This is a big deal for my family. We've always been creative, but this is the first year I can think of where we've gone so far to make things for each other. Creativity was definitely a theme even for non-homemade gifts...my brother got Little Bear a whole selection of toddler-friendly art supplies!

Something about today has got me thinking about the New Year. I can already feel the energies shifting...that subtle "next year I want to do X, Y, and Z" feeling. For me, these energies are threefold: I want to be more Present -especially with my little one, I want to create things that make people smile, and I want to Be the Change. I'm not sure what I want to do...maybe knitting for a charity or becoming a Unicef parent, I don't know, but I feel very connected to everyone right now. Yesterday as we were driving to the in-laws for Christmas Eve celebrations I had this sudden, overwhelming sense of the universal happiness and anticipation that was swirling around in the world's energy field. The collective experience of Christmas has never struck me before, but it did yesterday. It was amazing...and it made me truly understand the meaning of "Keeping Christmas through the year."

I hope you and yours had a very merry one. Even if you don't "do" Christmas, I hope you had a wonderful day.

When Love Takes Over

Just a random type of post. I really want to recommit to this blog.

My Xander-bear turned 13 months on the 10th, which was also our anniversary. We had a delicious Mama-cooked dinner (steak with goat cheese and pecans, mushrooms and onions in peppercorn sauce, sauteed green beans with bacon, and salad) and once the little one was in bed we made molten chocolate cakes. We had them with vanilla ice cream and champagne and then we cuddled on the sofa and watched the season premiere of "Glee" (awesome). We were in bed by 10 and Matty gave me Reiki until I fell asleep. Not our wildest night, but wonderful in its own special way...it was nice to reconnect in a non-sexual way (although I may be alone in that belief :-P).

My baby has turned into a toddler in the past month. He walks most of the time and he babbles constantly. He's made up his own signs for "hungry" and "thirsty," he waves "bye" and sometimes blows kisses. He asks us to play with him and read to him all the time (he just handed me a puppet...hang on...). He's such a sweet boy, and heartbreakingly adorable. It's insane. He likes to "help" with laundry (I laundered a block the other day...he put it in the hamper when I wasn't looking), and also with the dishwasher...he always goes for the knives at the very back of the bottom rack. How does he DO that? He also likes to wander off on his own (in the house, duh). I'll be doing something...like blogging :-P and it'll be very very quiet...and I'll suddenly realize that he's not in the room. He's usually in the front hall playing with the doormat or indulging his obsession with the loose rung at the foot of my mom's bedstead in the spare room (he likes to wiggle it). He's starting to get the hang of drawers and cupboard doors (AAAAAAH!), but he seems to be more interested in opening and closing them than in exploring the contents, thank goodness.

He threw his first tantrum last night. I could see exactly why it was happening, and I did everything I could to fix the problem (besides giving in...it really was bedtime). As it was I just stayed with him, held him unless he pushed me away, validated and identified his emotions, and melted when he reached for hugs in spite of his tears (which happened a lot...yay!). Guess I'm a gentle discipline kinda girl. Matthew came in and kept me company -he said "If you have to go through this, then I'm going to go through it too." Eventually the tears calmed and the little man nursed himself to sleep. He slept until almost 9am (no, not straight, what am I, a magician? :-P).

I didn't mean for this to turn into a baby post, but there it is.

I'm going to make an effort to post more (don't I always say that? Well, I mean it).

On change and letting go...

My baby boy turned one on Monday. In many ways I feel like I also turned one.

Becoming a Mama is life-changing and earth-shattering. It deconstructs your identity and forces you to rebuild it piece by piece. The first year is hard and scary and sometimes you feel like you'll melt into Mamahood and cease to exist as a separate person. But eventually you realize that you're still there, fundamentally anyway. And then the fun begins.

I feel like I'm starting to pick up the pieces, to take parts of the Me-that-was and find ways to reincorporate them into my identity. And it's still hard, but it's also kind of fun because I feel like I can pick and choose...what parts serve me well enough to keep around? What do I want to make time for and what do I want to let go of? Who am I now exactly? Because you can't go through an experience like this and turn out exactly the same afterward (in fact there is NO SUCH THING as afterward...how's that for odd? Even if, god forbid, Little Bear died before me I would always always always be his mom).

It’s an interesting time. Friendships are shifting and changing along with my identity. Some old friends I’d lost touch with are back in my life...others have faded away entirely. I’ve realized that I’m OK with that. I’ve realized it’s OK to not force things, to let friendships ebb and flow in their own rhythm as we both evolve. The people we are now are not the people we were when we became friends...and that’s OK. Maybe someday we’ll become people who fit together again.

Anyway, that’s what’s on this one-year-old Mama’s mind. Going to go play with my almost-toddler now.