We had a wonderful Christmas here in our beautiful home. My parents came to stay with us, and my brother was with us for the first time in years. We got the most amazing gifts -a learning tower for Little Bear, and a ton of craft books for me (I'm very into knitting and sewing toys right now, and I was just dying to have my own collection of the best I'd borrowed from the library)...but the best gifts of all were homemade: my dad made Little Bear a rocking horse and a train set (all pine with natural, non-toxic finishes), and my mom made him a string of knitted cotton ducks on wheels.
This is a big deal for my family. We've always been creative, but this is the first year I can think of where we've gone so far to make things for each other. Creativity was definitely a theme even for non-homemade gifts...my brother got Little Bear a whole selection of toddler-friendly art supplies!
Something about today has got me thinking about the New Year. I can already feel the energies shifting...that subtle "next year I want to do X, Y, and Z" feeling. For me, these energies are threefold: I want to be more Present -especially with my little one, I want to create things that make people smile, and I want to Be the Change. I'm not sure what I want to do...maybe knitting for a charity or becoming a Unicef parent, I don't know, but I feel very connected to everyone right now. Yesterday as we were driving to the in-laws for Christmas Eve celebrations I had this sudden, overwhelming sense of the universal happiness and anticipation that was swirling around in the world's energy field. The collective experience of Christmas has never struck me before, but it did yesterday. It was amazing...and it made me truly understand the meaning of "Keeping Christmas through the year."
I hope you and yours had a very merry one. Even if you don't "do" Christmas, I hope you had a wonderful day.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
When Love Takes Over
Just a random type of post. I really want to recommit to this blog.
My Xander-bear turned 13 months on the 10th, which was also our anniversary. We had a delicious Mama-cooked dinner (steak with goat cheese and pecans, mushrooms and onions in peppercorn sauce, sauteed green beans with bacon, and salad) and once the little one was in bed we made molten chocolate cakes. We had them with vanilla ice cream and champagne and then we cuddled on the sofa and watched the season premiere of "Glee" (awesome). We were in bed by 10 and Matty gave me Reiki until I fell asleep. Not our wildest night, but wonderful in its own special way...it was nice to reconnect in a non-sexual way (although I may be alone in that belief :-P).
My baby has turned into a toddler in the past month. He walks most of the time and he babbles constantly. He's made up his own signs for "hungry" and "thirsty," he waves "bye" and sometimes blows kisses. He asks us to play with him and read to him all the time (he just handed me a puppet...hang on...). He's such a sweet boy, and heartbreakingly adorable. It's insane. He likes to "help" with laundry (I laundered a block the other day...he put it in the hamper when I wasn't looking), and also with the dishwasher...he always goes for the knives at the very back of the bottom rack. How does he DO that? He also likes to wander off on his own (in the house, duh). I'll be doing something...like blogging :-P and it'll be very very quiet...and I'll suddenly realize that he's not in the room. He's usually in the front hall playing with the doormat or indulging his obsession with the loose rung at the foot of my mom's bedstead in the spare room (he likes to wiggle it). He's starting to get the hang of drawers and cupboard doors (AAAAAAH!), but he seems to be more interested in opening and closing them than in exploring the contents, thank goodness.
He threw his first tantrum last night. I could see exactly why it was happening, and I did everything I could to fix the problem (besides giving in...it really was bedtime). As it was I just stayed with him, held him unless he pushed me away, validated and identified his emotions, and melted when he reached for hugs in spite of his tears (which happened a lot...yay!). Guess I'm a gentle discipline kinda girl. Matthew came in and kept me company -he said "If you have to go through this, then I'm going to go through it too." Eventually the tears calmed and the little man nursed himself to sleep. He slept until almost 9am (no, not straight, what am I, a magician? :-P).
I didn't mean for this to turn into a baby post, but there it is.
I'm going to make an effort to post more (don't I always say that? Well, I mean it).
My Xander-bear turned 13 months on the 10th, which was also our anniversary. We had a delicious Mama-cooked dinner (steak with goat cheese and pecans, mushrooms and onions in peppercorn sauce, sauteed green beans with bacon, and salad) and once the little one was in bed we made molten chocolate cakes. We had them with vanilla ice cream and champagne and then we cuddled on the sofa and watched the season premiere of "Glee" (awesome). We were in bed by 10 and Matty gave me Reiki until I fell asleep. Not our wildest night, but wonderful in its own special way...it was nice to reconnect in a non-sexual way (although I may be alone in that belief :-P).
My baby has turned into a toddler in the past month. He walks most of the time and he babbles constantly. He's made up his own signs for "hungry" and "thirsty," he waves "bye" and sometimes blows kisses. He asks us to play with him and read to him all the time (he just handed me a puppet...hang on...). He's such a sweet boy, and heartbreakingly adorable. It's insane. He likes to "help" with laundry (I laundered a block the other day...he put it in the hamper when I wasn't looking), and also with the dishwasher...he always goes for the knives at the very back of the bottom rack. How does he DO that? He also likes to wander off on his own (in the house, duh). I'll be doing something...like blogging :-P and it'll be very very quiet...and I'll suddenly realize that he's not in the room. He's usually in the front hall playing with the doormat or indulging his obsession with the loose rung at the foot of my mom's bedstead in the spare room (he likes to wiggle it). He's starting to get the hang of drawers and cupboard doors (AAAAAAH!), but he seems to be more interested in opening and closing them than in exploring the contents, thank goodness.
He threw his first tantrum last night. I could see exactly why it was happening, and I did everything I could to fix the problem (besides giving in...it really was bedtime). As it was I just stayed with him, held him unless he pushed me away, validated and identified his emotions, and melted when he reached for hugs in spite of his tears (which happened a lot...yay!). Guess I'm a gentle discipline kinda girl. Matthew came in and kept me company -he said "If you have to go through this, then I'm going to go through it too." Eventually the tears calmed and the little man nursed himself to sleep. He slept until almost 9am (no, not straight, what am I, a magician? :-P).
I didn't mean for this to turn into a baby post, but there it is.
I'm going to make an effort to post more (don't I always say that? Well, I mean it).
Friday, August 14, 2009
On change and letting go...
My baby boy turned one on Monday. In many ways I feel like I also turned one.
Becoming a Mama is life-changing and earth-shattering. It deconstructs your identity and forces you to rebuild it piece by piece. The first year is hard and scary and sometimes you feel like you'll melt into Mamahood and cease to exist as a separate person. But eventually you realize that you're still there, fundamentally anyway. And then the fun begins.
I feel like I'm starting to pick up the pieces, to take parts of the Me-that-was and find ways to reincorporate them into my identity. And it's still hard, but it's also kind of fun because I feel like I can pick and choose...what parts serve me well enough to keep around? What do I want to make time for and what do I want to let go of? Who am I now exactly? Because you can't go through an experience like this and turn out exactly the same afterward (in fact there is NO SUCH THING as afterward...how's that for odd? Even if, god forbid, Little Bear died before me I would always always always be his mom).
It’s an interesting time. Friendships are shifting and changing along with my identity. Some old friends I’d lost touch with are back in my life...others have faded away entirely. I’ve realized that I’m OK with that. I’ve realized it’s OK to not force things, to let friendships ebb and flow in their own rhythm as we both evolve. The people we are now are not the people we were when we became friends...and that’s OK. Maybe someday we’ll become people who fit together again.
Anyway, that’s what’s on this one-year-old Mama’s mind. Going to go play with my almost-toddler now.
Becoming a Mama is life-changing and earth-shattering. It deconstructs your identity and forces you to rebuild it piece by piece. The first year is hard and scary and sometimes you feel like you'll melt into Mamahood and cease to exist as a separate person. But eventually you realize that you're still there, fundamentally anyway. And then the fun begins.
I feel like I'm starting to pick up the pieces, to take parts of the Me-that-was and find ways to reincorporate them into my identity. And it's still hard, but it's also kind of fun because I feel like I can pick and choose...what parts serve me well enough to keep around? What do I want to make time for and what do I want to let go of? Who am I now exactly? Because you can't go through an experience like this and turn out exactly the same afterward (in fact there is NO SUCH THING as afterward...how's that for odd? Even if, god forbid, Little Bear died before me I would always always always be his mom).
It’s an interesting time. Friendships are shifting and changing along with my identity. Some old friends I’d lost touch with are back in my life...others have faded away entirely. I’ve realized that I’m OK with that. I’ve realized it’s OK to not force things, to let friendships ebb and flow in their own rhythm as we both evolve. The people we are now are not the people we were when we became friends...and that’s OK. Maybe someday we’ll become people who fit together again.
Anyway, that’s what’s on this one-year-old Mama’s mind. Going to go play with my almost-toddler now.
Friday, July 3, 2009
HAPPY JOY REBEL DAY!!
The first-ever official Joy Rebel Day was on July 1st! I meant to post yesterday, but things, as you will see, are a titch CRAAAAAAZZZZY chez the Bear family.
Here's how our day went:
Little Bear woke me up bright and early as usual -6:45 or so. I got up, picked him up, walked down the hallway, and surveyed the living room:
IT WAS MOVING DAY!! I hyperventilated for a minute or two and then walked into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and thought "I CHOOSE JOY." Check out the big grin:
I changed a poopy diaper:
(you didn't really think I would post a photo of poop, did you?)
And then I made an especially yummy Joy Rebel Day breakfast for myself and Little Bear:
(That's cherries, homemade muffins, and marble cheese)
I thought it was delicious. Little Bear wasn't feeling too hungry, I guess:
After breakfast I cleared some space and Little Bear helped me sort the laundry:
So helpful!
July 1st is a holiday here in Canada-land, so in the afternoon our wonderful friends came to help us move. They fit an astounding amount of stuff in the van! Here's what was left after the first load:
And this is the van. Kind of like 3-d Tetris!
Our friend Greg stood guard:
No one was going to steal our stuff with him watching over it!
We made a second run with the van to pick up the bits and pieces, and then we all went over to the new place and had supper in the backyard:
(This photo has inspired me to invest in awesome patio furniture as soon as some comes up on kijiji -now that we have a back yard I I want a back yard oasis!)
Here's our new view!
The weather was grey and a little chilly, as it's been for the past month or so, but it was so green and beautiful! I can't wait to live here!
The grass was wet, so I tried to keep Little Bear on the patio, but he managed to find things to explore (aka get into) anyway:
"Hi Daddy!"
And to finish off the day we spent some time inside. Some of the guys had a crazy dart gun fight all over the house while Little Bear practiced getting up and down the step from the living room to the dining room.
I can tell that he can't wait to live here either.
Soon, little one...soon!
He fell asleep on the way home:
I put him to bed with no trouble and had an hour to myself before watching the fireworks from our balcony (no photo because I didn't want to miss them). I'm going to miss being able to see the fireworks from our house, but I think the trade-off is well worth it.
Happy Joy Rebel Day everyone! I hope you had a great one too!
Here's how our day went:
Little Bear woke me up bright and early as usual -6:45 or so. I got up, picked him up, walked down the hallway, and surveyed the living room:
IT WAS MOVING DAY!! I hyperventilated for a minute or two and then walked into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and thought "I CHOOSE JOY." Check out the big grin:
I changed a poopy diaper:
(you didn't really think I would post a photo of poop, did you?)
And then I made an especially yummy Joy Rebel Day breakfast for myself and Little Bear:
(That's cherries, homemade muffins, and marble cheese)
I thought it was delicious. Little Bear wasn't feeling too hungry, I guess:
After breakfast I cleared some space and Little Bear helped me sort the laundry:
So helpful!
July 1st is a holiday here in Canada-land, so in the afternoon our wonderful friends came to help us move. They fit an astounding amount of stuff in the van! Here's what was left after the first load:
And this is the van. Kind of like 3-d Tetris!
Our friend Greg stood guard:
No one was going to steal our stuff with him watching over it!
We made a second run with the van to pick up the bits and pieces, and then we all went over to the new place and had supper in the backyard:
(This photo has inspired me to invest in awesome patio furniture as soon as some comes up on kijiji -now that we have a back yard I I want a back yard oasis!)
Here's our new view!
The weather was grey and a little chilly, as it's been for the past month or so, but it was so green and beautiful! I can't wait to live here!
The grass was wet, so I tried to keep Little Bear on the patio, but he managed to find things to explore (aka get into) anyway:
"Hi Daddy!"
And to finish off the day we spent some time inside. Some of the guys had a crazy dart gun fight all over the house while Little Bear practiced getting up and down the step from the living room to the dining room.
I can tell that he can't wait to live here either.
Soon, little one...soon!
He fell asleep on the way home:
I put him to bed with no trouble and had an hour to myself before watching the fireworks from our balcony (no photo because I didn't want to miss them). I'm going to miss being able to see the fireworks from our house, but I think the trade-off is well worth it.
Happy Joy Rebel Day everyone! I hope you had a great one too!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Pack Packity Pack Pack....Pack Pack.
I was just reading my last post and I don't think I mentioned that Papa Bear and I are MOVING. Did I mention that? *is too lazy to check*
So...yeah...we're moving into a house (a rented one). I think this is a great example of treasure mapping gone wild. I treasure mapped a house with wood siding and lots of windows with trees around it overlooking a lake. Check. Check. And Check. We don't have lake access, but there's a beach about 20 minutes' walk away. And there's lots of space. And, while we don't OWN it the landlords are great. I call it a success (as much as you can before living in a space). I have high hopes.
Anyway, we're getting with the packing right now. And as a complementary exercise I have been doing a decluttering e-course run by the amazing Goddess Leonie. It's been FANTASTIC. I've gotten rid of a ton of stuff and taken first steps to get rid of even more (the wedding dress I bought when I was engaged to Fiance #1? listed on kijiji, although I need to really focus on getting it sold -only one nibble so far). And as I'm packing the rest of the stuff up I'm starting to feel really good -there's less stuff than I thought there was. Of course, I won't feel like that when we're moving the boxes, but I never thought I would feel that AT ALL.
Anyway, this is my official break while Little Bear naps. Once he's up I'll be busy packing and packing and packing some more. We have a moving van rented for June 30/July 1, and then movers are coming on the 6th to pick up the big stuff. We overlapped rents so we have most of the month to clean (necessary with a 10.5 month old, I think).
I'm going for now, but stay tuned on the 1st or the 2nd for a Joy Rebel Day blog post (the first official Joy Rebel Day is July 1st and I have joined the Blog Party!)
So...yeah...we're moving into a house (a rented one). I think this is a great example of treasure mapping gone wild. I treasure mapped a house with wood siding and lots of windows with trees around it overlooking a lake. Check. Check. And Check. We don't have lake access, but there's a beach about 20 minutes' walk away. And there's lots of space. And, while we don't OWN it the landlords are great. I call it a success (as much as you can before living in a space). I have high hopes.
Anyway, we're getting with the packing right now. And as a complementary exercise I have been doing a decluttering e-course run by the amazing Goddess Leonie. It's been FANTASTIC. I've gotten rid of a ton of stuff and taken first steps to get rid of even more (the wedding dress I bought when I was engaged to Fiance #1? listed on kijiji, although I need to really focus on getting it sold -only one nibble so far). And as I'm packing the rest of the stuff up I'm starting to feel really good -there's less stuff than I thought there was. Of course, I won't feel like that when we're moving the boxes, but I never thought I would feel that AT ALL.
Anyway, this is my official break while Little Bear naps. Once he's up I'll be busy packing and packing and packing some more. We have a moving van rented for June 30/July 1, and then movers are coming on the 6th to pick up the big stuff. We overlapped rents so we have most of the month to clean (necessary with a 10.5 month old, I think).
I'm going for now, but stay tuned on the 1st or the 2nd for a Joy Rebel Day blog post (the first official Joy Rebel Day is July 1st and I have joined the Blog Party!)
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Grand Plans and a cool realization!
Interesting fact: changing into something other than PJs or yoga pants has a stimulating effect on my levels of motivation and productivity.
Less-exciting but equally interesting fact: having a baby suddenly drop his first nap of the day makes productivity slightly more difficult. That being said, I seem to find a vast amount of time to spend on email, Facebook, LJ, and messageboards, so obviously there is time to be had even when he IS awake.
Yesterday I came to an important realization: I am tired of being a financial liability. It makes me feel itchy. So I am taking steps to change things. They may be small steps, but they are steps. And I will make one every day, even if it's just a five-minute thing like locating my "Six Steps to Getting the Job You Want" book (check) or reading up on how to submit a manuscript to publishers (check).
My purpose in writing on here right now is two-fold:
1. My realization re: clothing is kind of cool and I felt like sharing.
2. If I tell someone my plans then I will feel like I need to take some action.
OK, so...plans.
Here is my Grand Plan for Wild Success:
1. Put on clothes every morning. Obviously I mean clothes that I would actually go somewhere in. So at least jeans and a t-shirt.
2. Keep a record of planned micromovements. Micromovements are a SARK term, and they mean tasks which take a maximum of 5 minutes to do. Every journey starts with a single step, you know.
3. Commit to at least one micromovement daily. This is in addition to my 5-pages-a-week novel writing project which is coming along quite well, by the way.
And...that's it!
I know you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking "Sure, whatever, Mama," but look at it this way: Doing nothing guarantees failure. Doing something guarantees that something will get done. Logic! (Oh, and as a fun side note I actually wrote "doing someone" at the start of that second sentence. Papa Bear will be thrilled :-P)
Anywhoo, I have split pea soup on the boil, biscuits to make, and a job book to skim. Also, Little Bear is playing with a pen again.
Here's to wild success for all of us! Let's get dressed and DO something (or someone :-P)
Less-exciting but equally interesting fact: having a baby suddenly drop his first nap of the day makes productivity slightly more difficult. That being said, I seem to find a vast amount of time to spend on email, Facebook, LJ, and messageboards, so obviously there is time to be had even when he IS awake.
Yesterday I came to an important realization: I am tired of being a financial liability. It makes me feel itchy. So I am taking steps to change things. They may be small steps, but they are steps. And I will make one every day, even if it's just a five-minute thing like locating my "Six Steps to Getting the Job You Want" book (check) or reading up on how to submit a manuscript to publishers (check).
My purpose in writing on here right now is two-fold:
1. My realization re: clothing is kind of cool and I felt like sharing.
2. If I tell someone my plans then I will feel like I need to take some action.
OK, so...plans.
Here is my Grand Plan for Wild Success:
1. Put on clothes every morning. Obviously I mean clothes that I would actually go somewhere in. So at least jeans and a t-shirt.
2. Keep a record of planned micromovements. Micromovements are a SARK term, and they mean tasks which take a maximum of 5 minutes to do. Every journey starts with a single step, you know.
3. Commit to at least one micromovement daily. This is in addition to my 5-pages-a-week novel writing project which is coming along quite well, by the way.
And...that's it!
I know you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking "Sure, whatever, Mama," but look at it this way: Doing nothing guarantees failure. Doing something guarantees that something will get done. Logic! (Oh, and as a fun side note I actually wrote "doing someone" at the start of that second sentence. Papa Bear will be thrilled :-P)
Anywhoo, I have split pea soup on the boil, biscuits to make, and a job book to skim. Also, Little Bear is playing with a pen again.
Here's to wild success for all of us! Let's get dressed and DO something (or someone :-P)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Soulyearning
Little Bear is working on Hour 2 of his afternoon nap, and I'm feeling restless. It's that creative itch...the feeling that there is Something that I need to be doing...Something will make me feel fulfilled and blissed out, but I don't know what it is. Is it meditation? Yoga? Dance? Writing? Painting? Honestly, any of those would probably work. I tried working on the novel, but although I had a major idea fall into place during my walk today the actual words weren't flowing. *shrug*
I have a couple of ideas for dance class stuff that I really do need to write down. I'm at the stage where I get inspirational jolts here and there but I'm not in the space (mentally) where I feel I can work on it seriously, even though I feel like I *should*...if that makes any sense.
Speaking of being in the right space, Papa Bear and Little Bear and I are moving next month. To a house. We didn't buy it, so don't get all excited. Actually, DO get all excited...it's a GORGEOUS house with a view of a lake only 10 minutes from town with enough space that when I DO feel like I'm ready to go dance-wise I can appropriate a large room in the basement for dance-studio purposes (until then it will be Papa Bear's office). It's pretty much the perfect house for us. Also, it's walking distance from one of Little Bear's playgroup friends and the rent is only slightly higher than what we pay for this apartment. Aw yeah. We're planning to stay there until buying a house is in the cards for us -preferably when I have a flourishing home-based creatively/intellectually-inspiring job that pays at least 20K a year, preferably more. *looks meaningfully at the Universe*
Anyway, I'm trying to get into the "moving" headspace, but it's slow going. OK, it's No Going. All I want to do today is sit on the balcony with a Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade or two (we don't have any in the house. ARGH! Also, I have a baby who would make that endeavour less than relaxing). Very much looking forward to having a YARD as well as a balcony! It's gorgeous out today...about 19 degrees and sunny and not too windy. Perfect. In a perfect world summer temperatures would never go higher than 25 degrees (and even then only with wind).
In other news, the affirmations I posted the other day really did help me. I feel better, more optimistic, more trusting, and already more abundant. Good things have come our way, and more are coming too!
I have a couple of ideas for dance class stuff that I really do need to write down. I'm at the stage where I get inspirational jolts here and there but I'm not in the space (mentally) where I feel I can work on it seriously, even though I feel like I *should*...if that makes any sense.
Speaking of being in the right space, Papa Bear and Little Bear and I are moving next month. To a house. We didn't buy it, so don't get all excited. Actually, DO get all excited...it's a GORGEOUS house with a view of a lake only 10 minutes from town with enough space that when I DO feel like I'm ready to go dance-wise I can appropriate a large room in the basement for dance-studio purposes (until then it will be Papa Bear's office). It's pretty much the perfect house for us. Also, it's walking distance from one of Little Bear's playgroup friends and the rent is only slightly higher than what we pay for this apartment. Aw yeah. We're planning to stay there until buying a house is in the cards for us -preferably when I have a flourishing home-based creatively/intellectually-inspiring job that pays at least 20K a year, preferably more. *looks meaningfully at the Universe*
Anyway, I'm trying to get into the "moving" headspace, but it's slow going. OK, it's No Going. All I want to do today is sit on the balcony with a Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade or two (we don't have any in the house. ARGH! Also, I have a baby who would make that endeavour less than relaxing). Very much looking forward to having a YARD as well as a balcony! It's gorgeous out today...about 19 degrees and sunny and not too windy. Perfect. In a perfect world summer temperatures would never go higher than 25 degrees (and even then only with wind).
In other news, the affirmations I posted the other day really did help me. I feel better, more optimistic, more trusting, and already more abundant. Good things have come our way, and more are coming too!
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